


Healing

by transboyzayn



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kieren is a trans man because it is canon, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Trans Male Character, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transboyzayn/pseuds/transboyzayn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kieren hears of Rick's impending return and is a bit less than thrilled. Rick is/was abusive, Kieren processes his return and reflects on the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Healing

Rick coming back brought up all sorts of baggage that Kieren hoped he wouldn’t ever have to revisit in this lifetime. The one blessing his second round of living had given him was a life free of that mess. And what a mess it was; the mention of his name sent a chill through Kieren’s body, re-living snapshots his abuse in gut-churning technicolour. It had happened in stages, in increments so minute he would’ve seemed unreasonable to object to them. Rick’s version of negotiation typically meant for Kieren to make some sacrifice, and then have to apologize for not being as considerate of the other as he should have been. Kieren’s life had soon become strictly sanctioned. He was not to go anywhere without Rick knowing. They were not to spend more than a few days apart. He was not to look his mother in the eye when she looked concerned, glancing at the purpling bruises on her son’s throat. He was not to tell anyone of what went on in the privacy of his bedroom. He knew they must’ve heard his cries at some point, must’ve seen more than enough evidence to know what was happening. It wasn’t something that would be discussed.

Simon’s kind understanding couldn’t keep Kieren’s demons at bay. There were still moments where Kieren recoiled at any sort of touch, where he felt suffocated in his own home. There were moments where he wanted nothing more than to open up his own flesh if only that could allow him the peace of forgetting. If only he could forget the demeaning language Rick insisted on using, calling Kieren his bitch, how he’d be a half decent wife some day if he just got his head out of his ass. 

There were times Kieren missed him, or at least missed the illusion of happiness they had maintained together. An illusion of normalcy, of love. He wished to be held again, to have strong guidance to follow without having to think. All would be alright, if only he stuck with Rick. This was a daydream that was promptly interrupted at the idea of actually seeing Rick again.

It sometimes felt as if he had made no progress at all.


End file.
